Another day in isolation. Dad's isolation got extended for another 7 days since he's still showing some symptoms like fatigue. But other than that, he feels better, just in need of some sunshine and movements. My old man is getting bored of the quarantine life already and craves for a day outside.

Well, yesterday I started feeling stressed out again, knowing that in a few days, I'll be back to work. And I don't like that. I dunno. Just the thought of all the uncertainties at work and my jerk of a boss, I just feel like giving up altogether. I feel like my work is one of the main reasons why I'm still not able to have a baby. Because ever since I got married, the constant transfers at work had been a source of stress for me. I know this might sound too easy of a dilemma for some, but being the introvert that I'am, it's really difficult. I also feel like this job is just a source of income and not of joy and growth. It's as if I'm just doing it because I need to. It feels like I only live for the weekends. And I don't like that feeling.

I know my reasons are not enough for me to consider quitting my bread and butter for the past (almost) fifteen years. Just because I don't like somebody or doesn't get along with everyone, I would quit my job, right? But should I endure this constant stress and just cry over it every time? It's not healthy anymore.

The real world is a very harsh place. Where the people you call friends are the first to turn a blind eye; where you can't trust anybody; where people would constantly bring you down. These things are making me sad recently. I know I should choose my battles, but being me, I battle them all at once. And sometimes it's tiring.

I really wanna quit my job.

I wanna concentrate on myself and in making my own family. I'm not getting any younger.

I wanna get in shape, get healthy to bear a child, be a mom, learn household chores, learn a new skill, get back to photography and graphic arts, have a small home I could design myself. Those stuff. I wanna do them all and more. If only I'm not trapped in this corporate world that is sucking out all the life and joy out of me.

I wish I could take this leap of faith soon enough.

Please pray for me.

Labels: emoshit, family, work