Well, I guess it might be not doing good now, I know this is just a phase we all must go through. It's just God's way of saying that no matter how bad things get, he's in control, and eventually things will get better. Things might be crappy right now, but if we're able to survive all this, there is a great reward in the end. All we need to do is pray and trust Him that he will guide us until this all ends.

Speaking of being crappy, I've been feeling like crap for a few days now. Been feeling that insecurity shit once again. The kind of heavy heart feeling where all you can do is just let out a loud sigh to feel slightly better. I dunno. It has to do with my friends again... or maybe everyone. 

I just feel like I'm being left out by my friends. Because one time, one of my close friends posted something on Facebook. She posted about how moms like them should have a Just Us No Kids hangout. She tagged all of our group of friends (who are all moms), except for me (because obviously, I'am still not a mom) and that kind of triggered me.

Call me butt-hurt all you want, but of course I was hurt. Because all this time, I thought I was a friend they want to hang out with, but because I don't have a kid of my own I was suddenly out of the picture. I thought it was so insensitive of her, knowing she's aware of all my infertility issues. Well, this is not the first time I feel left out by them because I'm child-less and I just try to brush it off every time. I know for some, this issue is so petty and no-biggie. But the more I think about how they often left me out, I started feeling pity for myself. Here I'am, without a child of my own, and now my friends are pretty much gone as well. I also don't know if it's just me, but when I message them to catch up, they either sound cold or  just want to end the convo as soon as possible. Some would message, asking how am I, but as soon as I send a reply, will only just have my message seen-zoned. Sometimes I wonder, did I do something bad form them to treat me this way? Did I said something mean against them and now I'm suddenly being ganged up? But I can't remember doing anything like that. Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad person because people see me as that and that's why I'm being treated this way.

I dunno. 

I just wish these people see my worth.