Another year for me to live. Yey.

This is still not my best birthday ever. There's still this point when my chest feels so heavy with sadness, disappointment and misery. I don't know exactly what makes me feel this way. Probably for the fact that none of my girl officemates cared to wait for me to finish my work so I will not go home or out of the office alone. Or the fact that my closest friends, most specially my best friend, haven't greeted me yet. They are the one's I expected to care about me, about how I feel, but none of them even sent me a short SMS saying 'Happy Birthday bru.' I got greetings from unexpected people though. Like yesterday, before midnight, my mortal enemy/ friend texted me a happy birthday and my former teller/partner also texted me and even asked why I was not at work that day. They are really not the one's I expect to greet me first. Then, even people who I haven't met in person yet also greeted me. It's touching, yes, but it just saddens me that the one's I'm expecting weren't there. It's also the fact that it's my birthday and I haven't felt that I was special today. Still ignored, still pushed aside. Another thing that pissed me off too was when my mom said that we should have opened the store instead of closing in that afternoon because they have to deliver my birthday treat at the office. Yeah, the store is more important that me.

I just sort of push the thoughts away. Thinking that when I wake up the next day, all these sad emotions will be gone. I sometimes wonder how I deal with these feelings without the need of spilling this out on another person. Sometimes it amazes me on how I'm able to just deal with it and forget. For that I'm proud of myself.

Yet there are times where I wonder what if I'm gone, will somebody look for me? Will they see how important I'am to them? Will they realize how alone they made me feel?

Yeah, another emo post. Cuz emo post are the best for birthdays!

Labels: emoshit, family, friends