So it's not that time of the month again and yet, I'm feeling miserable. Been crying by myself while I have my earphones on, blasting some really sad music inside the bathroom, been crying myself to sleep, been thinking sad thoughts. I don't know if anybody notices it. I just feel so alone. No really close friend, nobody cares about me that much. Yet still, I pretend to be happy. I kept smiling. Which is starting to be harder to do as days past.

The only thing I do to make myself at least a bit happy is watching some Incubus DVD yet, I still spoil it by crying as I watched Brandon and the rest of the band makes faces in the camera. I just couldn't help but think that this is what I'm doing to take the sadness away, yet after an hour or so, I'm back to emo-ing out again. The happiness is just temporary when what I need is the one that lasts.

I asked God to take all of the sadness away and replace it with something happier. I know he's listening but I still don't know when he will give it to me. I told him that I probably have everything I asked for: a very loving family, friends whom I can trust (but none are there to listen to my woes), a stable job, and I have no problems at work either (just a few and still bearable). And yet one is still lacking. Happiness. Happiness in terms of having a great relationship with my family, most specially with my sister. Happiness of having my friends around when I needed a shoulder to cry on. And happiness by having real good friends at work. And lastly, happiness with the one I love. It just sucks being this emo and dealing with this by yourself. I need someone to share this to but I'm to chicken to tell. And I'm afraid they might not take me seriously. And I might cry. Crying is a sign of weakness and I don't want people to think of me as that.

I just hope one of these days, I'll have that thing called happiness by the kilowatt. Blah.

Labels: emoshit