Sorry if I haven't been praying enough. Not talking to you that much. I always spend my idle time listening to music or staying infront of the computer instead of talking to you. God, you know how much I want to talk to you regarding things I couldn't discuss with other people. But everytime I do, I always start drifting to sleep. Too tired to converse with you through my thoughts. But God, I know you know how I feel. You know what's on my mind.

You know how much I'm getting annoyed with Dianne. How much irritated I'am at her yet I'm still acting so 'plastic' towards her. How much I wanted her to break down, and be miserable as I'am even for once. How much I wanted her to be less of a brag about her adoring admirers. How much I wanted her to loose them while I gain some. I wanted to be ahead of her on things. Maybe, my mom is right. Everything I wanted to be was in her and I hate her for it. I know it's wrong to be like this but yes God, I wanted her to loose her confidence, her wits, her admirers, everything that she could brag about, so I, for once, could feel more ahead of her on things.

Yes, this is like admitting that I'm a loser - She's the greatest person ever.

Lord, I know it's bad to feel like this. Because for once, I must not feel any hatred to someone who is genuinely nice to me, and second, it's bad to wish someone bad things. But Lord, I know that in order for me to take away this feeling, I must have this confidence boost. A reason so I could feel that my life is as nice as hers. Or maybe, erase that thought. I need a reason so I could concentrate less on her super personality which sometimes I couldn't take. I need a 'someone' Lord. Someone who will tell me that I'll be his number one no matter how little miss perfect Dianne is. Someone who will boost my confidence. Someone who will put a smile on my face whenever I'm getting annoyed with her. Someone to tell me to stop on disliking her. Someone who'll take my mind of this. I need a reason to face the day with excitement. My life is boring Lord. Please make a way for it to be more colorfull and exciting. Be my life's director and make my life a movie with a happy ending.

Sorry Lord if I have to write things down. Expect more letters from me like this. Cuz you know me, I always doze off in the middle of my prayer. At least with this, I'm still wide awake. Thank you Lord.

Amen.